The Getaway Part 3: Rome (if you want to)

Ciao baby! So far on my whirlwind trip we visited Barcelona and France, not it was time for Italy.

To tell the truth, being such a Francophile I had been more excited to see France. Weirdly enough I had absolutely no expectations about Italy. So please excuse the rest of this post where I positively gush over the country, mkay? I think I'm in love.

Our cruise ship landed in the beautiful city of La Spezia. I'm not going to spend a lot of time talking about La Spezia, not that it wasn't one of the prettiest cities I'd ever been in (it was) , it was just that I hadn't booked any specific excursion so instead some of us just wandered around the city and took a few pictures. Had I not been a Janie-come-lately, I probably could have gone to Florence or visited the Leaning Tower of Pisa, where I undoubtedly would have taken the "I'm holding up the tower!" picture. But travel is tough when everyday is another city and you don't want to sleep for fear of missing out on anything. So instead my immediate family and I decided to get off the boat and explore the city on our own. And my god, who wouldn't want to live here?

Keep in mind, this was just a random street but every corner was just as gorgeous. Exactly why am I back in Michigan?

So the only thing of note in La Spezia, other than the fact that it was breathtaking, was that my brother bought pesto from a vending machine there. Yep, pesto, from a vending machine, in a jar. I don't know if he's had it yet, but we all thought it was a bit odd, even for Italy. Although if they had a cannoli vending machine I might change my mind...

La Spezia was just an appetizer because the next day we had the full course meal of ROME! 45 of the 52 members of my group went on a private Rome excursion so that we could see the main sights of the city in the short time before we had to get back on the ship. And here's where the gushing begins folks, because Rome is the most beautiful place I've ever been to in my life and anyone who tells you otherwise is crazy and should be committed immediately for their sake and the sake of others.They are a danger to society.

And people, I may just have a crush on a city.

We had a (luckily) air conditioned bus that drove us the hour long trip to the city. We immediately got off and saw the Colosseum which was breath-taking but sadly we didn't have enough time to go inside. There was a tour guide assigned to us, a cute little Italian guy by the name of Johnny, but he mainly just read out of a book. So the poor dude was being ignored while we took pictures and stared up at the beautiful thing. Sorry Johnny, but ancient architecture won out over your cute but stilted presentation.

And thank god for the new cell phone I got right before the trip, which took great pictures and which I was lucky enough not to drop into the ocean during my travels.

There are a few things about Rome, before I go on. Please, if you can help it, do not go during summer time. When I was there it was 95 degrees with a heat index of well over 100 in a crowded city with a whole lot of asphalt. Also our main tour bus we transferred to was a double decker with limited space at the bottom, so those of us who were not elderly baked up in the hot sun while gaping at all the beauty all around us. It was still gorgeous, but it would have been better had I not been slowly cooking. And with that Italian sun, even the sunscreen didn't help, I had the burned shoulders to prove it. The great thing about being up there though was gawking at all the buildings. Each building had beautiful statues and ornaments on it, and each, I'm sure, had a story behind it. One day in Rome simply isn't enough to take it all in. 

Also, there were many statues set in the buildings and there's a word for those, but I can't remember what they're called and it's driving me NUTS. If you know, please tell me in the comments section and you will be my friend forever.

Another thing about Rome was the street hawkers. They all sell hats and umbrellas but  they're all the same hats and umbrellas which is kind of perplexing since you have 10 people catcalling you to buy the same thing everybody else is selling. We did end up getting an umbrella for my mother (she's extremely fair-skinned and sun causes her to, you know, burst into flames). It was surprisingly well made, so at least there was that. But for the most part we ignored them.

After a few other stops, we stopped to get some pizza al taglio from a small set of restaurants right before we went to the Vatican. Pizza is not exactly sold by the slice as it is sometimes here, but by the cut. You indicate how much you want, they cut it from overall pizza, it's weighed and you pay by the weight. I don't exactly know the name of the pizza I had, only that it had the freshest cheese I've ever had in my life and also, that I am now ruined for other pizzas. Damn you Italy!And again, I'm generally not one to take pictures of my food, but when in Rome...

Afterwards we all had to use the restroom, so our tour guide led us to a nearby Hard Rock Cafe store where a lovely young lady by the name of Francesca let us use their bathrooms and also gave us free bottles of water. Everyone there was super sweet and suspiciously good-looking. And I do have to say that about most people we met during our adventure. Everyone was very kind. Whoever said that Europeans don't treat Americans well must have been jerks, because in Spain, France and Italy, everyone was simply awesome.

I bought a T-shirt (of course) which I found much to my chagrin, was too small, probably due to the fact that I'd been well fed all week. Ah well, it's a good incentive to lose weight. 

Finally we made it to the Vatican. Again, lack of time made it impossible for us to see it on the inside but apparently the Pope was in, even though he wasn't addressing anyone at the moment. Still it was cool to think he was inside there, living his best Pope life and dreaming his best Pope dreams. The outside of the Vatican was extremely crowded with tourists and even more street sellers than the Colosseum - and man, some of them were a bit aggressive. At least I was able to have my picture taken in front of the Vatican and I wasn't even struck by lightning. (I know, I know I'm surprised too...)

After the Vatican we made our way to the Trevi Fountain. To my dismay I found I only had an American penny to throw in and I'm not quite sure how much karma that was going to buy me. Given the exchange rate, probably not much. In fact, I'm probably going to receive a collection notice from the cosmic universe with that offering. So much for good luck!

And while I was there, I had a true Italian gelato from a shop in front of the fountain, because, you know, you gotta.

It was with melancholy relief when we got off the tour bus and onto the regular bus that drove us back to the ship. Melancholy because we were leaving the most beautiful city in the world, and relief because the bus was air conditioned and heat exhaustion was setting in. But I wouldn't have traded this trip for the world. My only regret is that I didn't have time to see more. After all Rome wasn't built in a day, and therefore that's no way to see it.

Next up: Naples and the long, sad trip home.

The Getaway Part 2: A Big Ass Boat and France

When last we left I had just left Barcelona and so our party of 52 (yes 52!) got on the lovely Freedom of the Seas for 7 days and 7 nights of non-stop ports, fun, food and adventure.  Few things about the ship:

They have stores and restaurants there and seriously WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? If I want to go to overpriced stores and restaurants I can do that at home. Luckily, our group had a reservation nightly at the formal dining room so we could all sit together and man did I ever miss eating escargot starters when I came home and found all I had in the cupboard was stale cheerios.

All that is forgiven though - because we were on a damn boat set for France, son. Word.

One really cool thing about our cruise was that, since it was international, you got to hear tons of different accents and dialects while on the ship. I made small talk with an older Australian man in the elevator and boy, I could have talked to him all day about absolutely nothing. More about the boat later. Our first stop was Marseilles, France. Different members of our group had booked different excursions but luckily I managed to get onto a tour bus that took us around the city, which was pretty cool. And folks, Marseilles even has it's own Hollywood type sign. Guess who paid for it?

Netflix.

Not even joking. They have a French series called Marseille and to promote it they built a friggin' sign overlooking the city. Out guide told us people who actually lived there were less than impressed by the thing and I kind of agree. You have beautiful architecture and monuments - why muck it up with Hollywood?

So we toured the city and got to see the Notre-Dame de la Garde a beautiful church with an amazing amount of stairs where I learned just out of shape I really am. My ailing Mother stayed behind while the rest of us trapsed about but when I came back, I found her and the tour guide talking animatedly - which is funny because my Mom really doesn't converse with strangers that much. We learned that he was not French but from Portugal, traveled a ton and spoke a great many languages. He also wanted to visit America but said he was "afraid".

Mom: Why?
Guide: Because I travel and I visit Muslim countries recently. I don't know what this Trump person would do to me. I might not make it out of there. I no not why people vote him in.
Mom and I in unison: We hate Trump.
Guide: (looks relieved).

And people, let me tell you - this was a conversation we had all during the trip with people from different countries. Quite a few people told us they were scared to visit America because of Trump. So Trump not only killed democracy but our tourism as well. Screw you Trump!

Luckily most people upon hearing we were Americans were nice to us because it was evident we weren't evil people. Or we hide it pretty well at least. The guide was probably the best guide I'd ever met AND  he'd kept my Mom entertained - I wish he would visit the U.S. sometime, at least to see that we're not all xenophobic assholes.

The next day we hopped along a tender (boat) to Villefranche (Nice) and let me tell you, the water that boat was in was pristine. The Paris Climate Control is a good thing, although one other thing is that seemingly everybody in France smokes. But as my cousin's husband put it "They look so cool." My baby nephew (well okay, he's 15) noted this too, but also added two simple words - "lung cancer".  At any rate, that water was beautiful and clean. Here's a video and excuse my lack of directional skills.

We managed to talk a taxi driver into taking us to Monaco and he even promised to pick us up a few hours later - which he did and was right on time. Whoever said French people were rude must have been rude to them first, because everybody was super wonderful. I wish we had taxi drivers (or Uber drivers) like him in America.

Oh and also, Monaco is the size of a postage stamp. We ate at an pizza eatery there because we had Middle Eastern food in Barcelona, so why not eat Italian in France? We are a backwards people. Anyways we didn't get to see Monte Carlo but some family members made it to the casino, and by that I mean, they were able to get into a lobby but not beyond that. They had to, of course, keep the undesirables at bay. At least there were a ton of cool cars to look at - cars that costs more than their homes.

So France was beautiful and one day I'll make it to Paris, where I will take a room in the hotel looking over the city, smoke many cigarettes, eat many fresh croissants and have many torrid love affairs while writing my memoires and waxing poetic in the style of Voltaire.

But for right now, I'm stuck back in my stale Cheerio life. Sigh.

Next up: Rome! (if you want to)